yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
