Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
