remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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