Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I didn't notice because vodka
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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