the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
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To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
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if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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