You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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