I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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