does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
