How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize