i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
