You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
