Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
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ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
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In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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