his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
