I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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