you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
