the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
