dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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