i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
