check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
