Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
