he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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