it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
