Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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