Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
