you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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