No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
