i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
