Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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