it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Floor bacon is actually really good
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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