a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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