is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
