Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
