I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
