I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
