True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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