Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
