he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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