Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
