went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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