Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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