you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
