ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
