someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize