clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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