in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
