So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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