I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
