can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
