oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
