did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
where are my eyebrows?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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