i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
