Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
