she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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