Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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