I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch