wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
