we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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