I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
