I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
